I asked God to make me more vulnerable a while back, and God’s been steadily giving me opportunities to follow through and be vulnerable. It’s unbelievably hard and I really try to keep a poker face saying bits, but I’m trying. I want to trust that God has given me brothers and sisters to find community and similarities in. I want to trust that, no matter how embarrassing it is, God is using me. Even though I sound like I’m going to cry from nervousness or my testimony is all scrambled up without any sort of organization, God’s using me to bring Him glory. As Christians, we need to be ready to share the Gospel and our testimony at any moment. I feel compelled to write my testimony out, from beginning to end. A testimony that will never be complete because God is shaping and molding me every single day. I don’t ever want to keep God’s blessing from someone because I feel inadequate or because I don’t want to be viewed differently. I want to become unashamed and proud that despite being “in construction,” I am a living, breathing testimony that God lives through me. He has grace and unending love for a sinner like me.
"Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began, and which now has been manifested through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, for which I was appointed a preacher and apostle and teacher, which is why I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me." (2 Timothy 1:8-12 ESV)